Rate and comment on my poem (rough Draft)?

I think this is a good first draft. You seem to be writing with a specific event or person in mind. There aren't many line breaks after the first two lines causing the poem to read more like a narrative than poetry. I also think it is uninspired as there are millions of poems written about love that read just the way yours does. Perhaps you should read more famous romantic poetry to learn the ways these notable poets write and discover the tools they use.